Who will be getting good news today? Who will not?
I am sitting in the waiting room of my IVF clinic. No one is speaking to one another. It is early morning and we are all here for one or more of the invasive tests standard in the IVF world.
I am worried. Am I crazy? Testing my body and my spirit at my age?
My family is worried about me…for me. I wish I had someone to talk to. I had convinced myself that having a family was not something that I needed to do but as my marriage fell apart, I realized that I did indeed want to have a child.
Now, remarried, I stare up at the fertility ladder of procedures, tests, and techniques. We started with the ‘easier’ techniques and when unsuccessful, we increased our investment and headed down the more traditional IVF road. Then more setbacks… and I acted all brave when I just wanted to break down.
On my doctor’s advice I consulted another specialist for a second opinion. Everything checked out fine. My blood pressure was elevated; I knew it was borderline. Took care of that and started an acupuncture routine which included having acupuncture on the day of my last frozen embryo transfer.
Waiting the long 10 days to find out if I was pregnant I tried to be positive and realistic. Finding that balance is not easy. I didn’t want to think negatively – fearful that it would affect the outcome but I also wanted to be realistic. I mean, what if it doesn’t work this time? Do we do this again or do we investigate other options? When do we stop trying?
AND what is my life going to be like after all this? If it doesn’t work, how am I going to come to terms with all that we tried and hoped for?